Why the 5 year age gap?

My boys have a five year age gap. I take my hats off to you mama’s out there who have children close together in age. You are the real superheroes.

I’m not going to lie and paint a pretty picture. I wanted Korey to be an only child. Not because I didnt want more children. I love having the kids around me. But…

I had the most traumatic labour with Korey (Ok I wasn’t ill and Korey was born fine and healthy so it wasn’t traumatic in that sense…) But i never wanted to go through that AGAIN! It was three days of pure hell. Three days of agonising contractions that never ended and always intensified and I was getting no closer to actually having my baby. I stayed at 2cm for nearly three days. Eventually I moved over to 4cm and I was able to have pain relief. And I lapped it up…

I don’t remember anything after that… It’s a blank in my mind… I want to say I remember the moment I heard him cry, the moment I held him and looked into his eyes… but I can’t tell you that from first hand experience… because I don’t remember a thing. My biggest regret in life was that I don’t remember the moment I held my firstborn. There was no elation from the biggest achievement of my life, just the drugs that were were still in my system. I was amazed they even let me hold him because I was so intoxicated.

So after this I decided I would have no more children. I did not want to fail at being in labour, my pain threshold was rubbish, the labour was too long to stand. I was terrified about doing it again.

Then I found out I was pregnant a second time. I cried. I didn’t want to go through it again. But I spoke to the midwives and even a doctor to discuss my fear of childbirth (which is a thing!) And was basically told he’s got to come out one way or another… the joys!

So the time came and I tried to plan and replan. I told my partner under no circumstances am I to take drugs other than gas and air… I planned to have a waterbirth…

The day came and I went into labour… and it was nothing like the first time. I had him in four hours from my first contraction to holding him. I only had gas and air. I did it! I remembered having him. I remember everything. I even remember saying “let’s do that again”. It was amazing the comparison between the births.

But that’s one of the biggest reasons there is a five year age gap. I don’t know whether we will have any more children. Maybe one day. But if I don’t it won’t be because I’m scared to give birth.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

Tired But Crafty Mummy

One Exhausted Mummy Pontificating on Parenthood!

This is me!

This is the story so far about me! The good, the bad and the most certainly ugly. I’ve never written a blog and I suspect no one will read it but I’m hoping I have fun writing it.

MotherofAllThatisPerry

Focusing Small to Achieve Big

%d bloggers like this: